Magazine headlines these days are CRA-ZY. The women’s section of the magazine rack is essentially air-brushed celebrity after air-brushed celebrity surrounded by phrases like “toned butt”, “flat abs” and “best bod”. When you consider the fact we see these images and words every time we’re standing in line for anything from toiletries to groceries, it’s no wonder we start to assume that’s how we should look and those phrases are the things we should be focusing on. Because, if I don’t have a “tight tush” how can I possibly exist in this world?
I can. You can. Our lives and our worth are about so much more than whittling away parts of ourselves in order to achieve the latest body ideal. The following are actual taglines from popular women’s magazines. And it’s about time we started to see them for the ridiculous wastes of time and space they are.
1. Get a bikini body
Where did yours go? On vacation? Sounds swell. You should join it. And drink a piña colada guilt-free while you’re at it. Or 2. Or 5. Do whatever you want. You and your beautiful body are on vacay.
2. Finally get that 6-pack
Dude, don’t be so dramatic, there’s a Beer Store around the corner, I can get one any time I want. Oh, you mean that 6-pack. If that means spending more time crunching at the gym than with my friends and stressing over the calories in a Bud Light, I think I’ll pass.
3. Achieve your perfect weight
Pick up three cuddly puppies at the same time. Step on the scale. You have achieved your perfect weight. 50 points and all the high fives to you.
4. Flawless skin in a flash
A friendly message from the skin of women everywhere: We’re too busy regulating temperature, protecting against damage and holding all of a person’s insides in place to worry about whether we look “dewy” enough.
5. Eat, drink & still shrink!
To what size are we talking here? Polly Pocket size? Cool party trick, bro. Otherwise, not interested. I’m gonna take up as much space as I want — with a glass of vino and a plateful of appetizers in hand.
6. Get your sexiest body
Your body is sexy. As it is. Right now. Point-blank and the period.
7. Flat abs now!
They are abs. They are muscle. They will never be flat. Stop saying stupid things.
8. 16-Day Belly Shred
Dear god, no shredding of my belly, thank you.
9. Eat this, not that!
Do: eat food. Don’t: eat PVA glue, dish detergent, staples or anything with a skull and crossbones sticker on it. We clear? Cool.
10. Transform your butt!
Into what? A rocket pack? I will consider your offer.
11. Tone every inch
Every inch? Well, my fingernails have been looking a little under-toned these days…
12. Lose your belly fast!
Thank goodness this is an option! Every time I lose my wallet I’m like “score!”
13. Get that firm butt
I mean, it’s your butt. It’s the largest muscle in your body. Pretty sure it’s got that whole firm thing locked down.
14. Melt belly fat!
With what? A blow torch? Hard pass.
15. Drop a dress size
Step 1: Go to store. Step 2: Pick up a dress that doesn’t fit. Step 3: Drop dress on floor. Step 4: Pick up the dress size that does fit and put it on your beautiful body. Step 5: Repeat until you have created a comfortable wardrobe that makes you feel like the boss ass babe you are.
Creating our own headlines
When you start looking closely at the covers of women’s magazine it doesn’t take long to realize almost the entire thing is made up of taglines focused on changing our bodies. Our hair, our skin, our bums, our bellies, our thighs — they’re all apparently in need of “perfecting”.
Except they’re not. Every part of you is perfectly fine and doing it’s job. Your skin and hair are keeping you warm, your bum and thighs are getting you moving through your day, and your belly is providing you nourishment and strength. Everything about what your body does each and every day is perfect and beautiful.
So the next time you catch yourself thinking about how you need to get toned arms, lean legs and a firm butt, just stop, take a deep breath, and remember you are enough just as you are. Then take all that energy that you could have wasted trying to “shred your belly” (whatever that means) and put it to good use. Think of something nice to do for a friend, draw a picture, write a poem, cook yourself a special dinner, go for a bike ride, save the god damn world. The possibilities are endless when you stop listening to those who tell you to focus on the firmness of your tush and instead start owning the freaking wonder woman you are.
Want to learn to make peace with your body just as it is? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation today and let’s get working!
More on body positivity
Counting almonds (and other sh*tty things diets make you do)
Quitting the weight loss game
5 Body positivity warriors to follow