What To Do When You’ve Taken On Too Much

The past few weeks were pretty rough for me. Between taking on an extra job, having several assignments come due at school, starting up rehearsals for a show and working on projects that tested me in new ways and opened me to self-doubt, I had taken on a lot. I thought I could handle it all, but we all reach our limit at some point.

I didn’t realize how much I had taken on and how it was affecting me until suddenly I found myself day after day full of negative self-talk. I felt unmotivated, sad and exhausted. I was playing through old conversations and situations in my head and getting down on myself for how they went, I was looking in the mirror and judging what I saw in ways I hadn’t in a long time, and I felt incapable of tackling any of the many things on my to-do list. It all culminated in me having a complete breakdown in a storage room before a show I was really nervous about doing.

It’s unfortunate I let it get to that point but sometimes those moments can be the wake up call we need to make the changes necessary to take care of ourselves. That moment woke me up, helped me realize I needed to ask for help and got me back on the path to a more positive, hopeful place. And I want to share with you what helped me get out of that overwhelmed place so when you go through a challenging time, or if you are right now, these tips will hopefully be of assistance.

1. Talk to someone

Without a doubt the turning point in any great upset in my life ends up being when I talk to someone about it. Of course I can’t say this will be the same for everybody but I know for me, negativity festers and everything seems worse when I keep it inside. Struggling within your head can be a very lonely and debilitating experience. So talking to someone before it gets to that point of overpowering you is so important. Find a family member or friend you trust and talk it out. For many of us it can be hard to admit we’re struggling but know that everyone does at some point and there is absolutely no shame in admitting where you’re at. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in your life, there are so many great 24/7 hotlines like the Toronto Distress Centres where you can call and talk to someone anonymously at any time — day or night.

2. Ask yourself what you WANT to do

On top of working two jobs, going to class, writing assignments and preparing for rehearsals, my apartment was a mess, I had appointments to make and blog writing to do. With such a long list I ended up waking up every morning feeling paralyzed and unable to do anything.

The morning after I finally reached out and talked to a friend of mine, I woke up with a bit of a light bulb moment — what did I want to do today? Did I want to skip class? Call in sick to work? Watch Netflix all day? And to my amazement when I actually asked myself this question I thought, “you know what? I really want to wash the dishes.” What!? I want to wash the dishes?? Yup. My sink, stove and counter were covered in them and it had been upsetting me all week. I knew it would feel so nice to have them taken care of. So I got up, played some fun music, danced in the kitchen and washed the dishes.

Throughout the day I asked myself what I wanted to do and followed those instincts. To my surprise, what I wanted to do was to tackle all those things on my to do list. But by giving myself permission to not do them if I didn’t want to, I was able to free myself from that paralyzed feeling and actually enjoy doing those tasks.

3. Know you have choices

Along with  identifying what you want to do, it is also important in any given situation to take in the fact there are choices available to you. Often we can get caught up in feeling like we have to do things. We have to go to work. We have to go to the gym. We have to go to a certain event. When in fact, we don’t have to do any of these things.

This became really clear to me when I started to ask myself what I wanted to do. I didn’t have to go to class, I could skip it. I didn’t have to go to work, I could call in sick. And when I gave myself that permission I discovered that I actually did want to go to class — I was excited about what we would be learning that day. I didn’t have to go to work — I wanted to go because it wasn’t really as scary as I was building it up in my head, I actually got to talk to nice people and make money that I could then spend in enjoyable ways.

Once I acknowledged that each moment of my day was a choice and served a purpose that feeling of being paralyzed and weighted by all the have-tos started to lift and were replaced with choose-tos. And those are a lot more pleasant!

4. Take a moment for true self-care

Oh self-care! It’s so important and yet so easily lost in our world of go-go-go. I sure lost track of my self-care a few weeks ago. I was so emotionally and physically drained that all I felt like I wanted to do when I had an hour to myself was eat carbs and watch Netflix. Although I think a Netflix binge here and there can be a lot of fun, I was using it more to numb and distract and was barely enjoying it. It didn’t leave me feeling refreshed or relaxed — I just spent the whole time feeling guilty I wasn’t doing something more productive.

True self-care is doing something that really reinvigorates your body, mind and soul. If there’s a show you are beyond excited to watch (hello, Game of Thrones!) then sitting down for a fully engrossed 30-60 minutes of enjoyment can absolutely be good. But mindlessly sitting in front of a show you aren’t overly interested in can just wear you down further. Instead, finding even a few minutes for something you really love is where it’s at. Calling a friend, giving yourself a massage, lighting a nice-smelling candle and just relaxing, reading a book, hanging out with your pet — whatever it is that makes you happy.

The important thing to remember here is that your mind will go for the habit it is most used to. So if that is Netflix-watching or eating junk food that’s what it will want to do instinctually. If that happens, be gentle with yourself, ask yourself if that is truly what you need in that moment and if there is something else that might fill you up a little more. If there is, give it a try for a minute or two and see how you feel.

5. Find your triggers

The above tips are great for managing stress once it has arrived, but of course, the real magic lies in prevention and working to limit the frequency of these experiences. And the secret to that lies in identifying your triggers.

As upsetting as these moments of overwhelm can be, they are a great opportunity to learn about ourselves. For instance, for myself, I discovered two triggers from this recent episode. Firstly, when I am attempting something new and am therefore afraid of failing it can be very challenging for me. Add up too many of these situations and I will undoubtedly become overwhelmed. Secondly, when I have an increase in responsibility and am therefore worried about letting others down, this also can be a source of stress for me that I need to be aware of.

The next time you feel like it’s all too much (or if that’s happening for you right now!) think about what it is about these particular circumstances that are overwhelming you. Is it that the number of tasks is too large? Maybe your max multi-tasking is less than what you’ve currently taken on. Is it that the hours you’ve taken on are interfering with the amount of sleep you need? That’s important information to have.

Find these triggers, make a mental note or, better yet, write them down. They’re important to keep in mind as new opportunities and tasks come your way. With this new information you can have a better idea of whether something will be a trigger. If it will be you can choose whether or not to take it on, and if you do, you can plan how to take care of yourself when you do.

It’s all a learning process

Most importantly, do your best to be kind and patient with yourself in these moments of overwhelm. In the past couple of years I’ve made huge strides in terms of stress-management and self-love. But this month was a great reminder that we all have our limits and I too have to respect mine and keep an eye out for occasions where I might be pushing myself too far.

It is easy to get down on ourselves and judge ourselves in these moments of overwhelm but that isn’t necessary or helpful to the situation. Instead, let’s do our best to be kind to ourselves and try to take care of ourselves as best we can. I hope the above tips help you out if you are going through a stressful time. And please know I am always here if you need support!